Ideas, por favor…

To all my beloved readers,

I’ve been invited to be a guest for a new TV show, soon to be aired on RTM 1.  ‘Cahaya Permata’ – a program on parenting.  It will be hosted by Anne Ngasri.

I’ll be chatting with the lovely host on these 2 topics:

Episode 15 – Kids taken care by maid
– Busy Parents

Episode 23 – Training kids to do house chores

So, I’d love to get inputs from you.  Yes, YOU!!!  Your thoughts, experience, problems, challenges, solutions, ideas, etc.  Share with me, please.  I’d really, really, really appreciate it.

6 thoughts on “Ideas, por favor…

  1. coachsha,
    sounds like an interesting show – do let us know when it’ll be aired, especially the ones you’re in!

    i have no experience having my own maid, but i have two comments (issues?):
    1) it’s a bit like a ‘lucky draw’, isn’t it? you don’t get to interview and choose who to employ. sure you’ll across some whom you really like and are really trustworthy etc etc, but of course they are already under someone else’s employment and you can’t ‘poach’ them!
    2) if they are to look after your kids, you’d want them to care enough about your kids and the kids to trust & like them, but at the same time you would also feel ‘jealous’ if your kids get too attached to them, wouldn’t you? it’s a delicate balance!

    regarding housechores pulak:
    1) patience is a must – let them make mistakes (and learn from them). if they get scolded when they broke a plate (accidentally) while doing the dishes, they would associate chores with unpleasant ‘risks’..
    2) don’t segregate chores based on gender, please! i think it’s time our society learn to balance the roles better. both girls and boys should take turns doing the dishes/help to cook as well as empty the bins/wash the car..

  2. Assalamualaykum,

    Just to share my experience. Having 4 kids age 5,8,11 and 12 alhamdulillah.

    My kids help around a lots..I think it’s important to teach this since they small. For me this is the important issue as this is the key thing for survival in their future.

    Since they small, I get them to tidy up their own toys. Than their own room. Remember, you have to treat them as their age at the time. Cannot aspect them to tidy up as perfect as us. But the important key is to get them to do it. Alhamdulillah, having 4 children and used to work and now homeschool I never actually feel tired and down having 4 of them. We do get tired, yes especially when we work. But, is you teach them since small, the result is unbelievable. I never teach my children in other type of learning as curriculum such reading or maths or any other type. They learn it when they start school. But, I stress in the surviving skill such as help on chores and being a valuable to family.

    What I did when they small and I was working or even when I’m not, I tell them how I feel and tell them what I need to do. For examples, I told them that I have to do cooking, cleaning, ironing, washing up and go to work as well. Also when they whine when you ask something, I tell them that, ok. Tomorrow if you want to eat, you cook your self, do wash your own cloths and etc. Or I said that I have to do everything for every body. Think about how much I need to do. I make them think and I list down all my work around the house. You need to prove to them and make them think.

    Also I get my children do thing and chores around the house although I know I can do and have time to do my self. But, if I don’t teach them now, they will grow up not knowing how to look after their own room.

    Alhamdulillah, I can say the result is astonishing. I’m proudly says that now I can trust my 12 years old daughter to clean the kitchen and around the house spotless. I can trust them that if I fell sick or ill, having 4 of them around house will not be up side down.

    I think this is the most important lesson that parents nowadays forget because they too focus on academic achievement. They rather do all house work themselves, get tired and grumpy just to give time for children to do more learning. But, they forget that children will miss the important learning in their life.

    The thing is house chore means cleaning and tidying as well as organising. This if not train at early age will become a habit which habit will stick and the more they grow up, the difficult it will be.

    It’s very important to used sticker chart when they age below 10. Children need encouragement to do the work same as us been paid to go to work. But, need to make sure that children not only do work when they been reward. That’s why important to share our feeling as well. I used to tell my children and make a sad face that I’m just back from work, I’m too much for me and I need help. Although you don’t . Sometime you need to find a tricky way and earn sympathy from them and let them explore your feeling as well.

    As a maid, when I used to work I used to have brother, sister or used to have one friends daughter to help me for 6 months as I was in UK. I think, there’s is a benefit of having maid if you don’t take advantage. What I means if because you have maid, means you can spend less time for household chores. This will leave you for a small but quality time to be with your family. Because if you work, means you already spend half of the day at work. Without maid, you need to straight away do all household chores especially if your children still small. Having maid will give you more time that you have to spend doing things that maid can do and use the time to be with your children. Not learning time but time to get to know your children more. I believe when we busy working and children busy with learning, we get to know each other less. The trick I believe when having maid is be strict and train them the way you want. Once they get used to the way you want, things will get easy. But, from my experience it will take time to train and patient.

    As the impact of having maid is may be you got less privacy.

    In a way, I believe the key factor is patient. Things will not always go the way you wanted. I put battle up of shouting about cleaning the room, do the chores and remind them all the time. But as they getting bigger, they get used to..things will be more easy. For my daughter now, I don’t need to look after her and her belonging any more. She know when she need to do spring cleaning her things and her clothes. How to keep things in order and organizing, alhamdulillah.

    It is a battle sometimes if not all the time. Be patient and keep shouting and screaming..but do reward them with what they do. Insya Allah..the result, may be like me now, I’m getting heavier cause I do less work in the house as they help me around all the time and when I need.

    This is from my experience. Hope you enjoy sharing it.

  3. I started to have a maid ever since I delivered my eldest 14 years ago. My last maid went back home last Aug and I have been maidless till now.

    I’m staying with my parents. Having the maid at home for 14 years is merely to do housework and cleaning so that my mom will be able to do what she prefers…. mengadap her cucus…… I’m very lucky actually, both my parents dedicate themselves to my kids…. although sometimes i think they overdo it….. hehe…

    So when I’m at work….. I know that my children kat rumah memang buat homework, mengaji with their Wan, solat jemaah bersama and do activities yang good for them…. bukannya melanguk depan tv or buat benda lain yang tak berfaedah……

    The interaction between the maid and my kids mmg tak banyak…..

    I guess I’m lucky that my parents ada kat rumah to monitor the maid….. and sekaligus….. my maid tak memainkan apa2 peranan in raising my kids…

  4. Aiya..bagi input lambat masih diterimakah? 😛 Here goes anyways..

    Saya ada maid tapi tak sampai 2 thn so takde experience sgt lagi tapi saya nak cerita pasal how my mom brought us up with the help of a maid for…10 years?

    i) My mom tak pernah bagi kitorang adik beradik bagi arahan pada maid. Maid hanya terima arahan drp my mom and dad je.
    ii) Walaupun ada maid, kitorang adik beradik semua kena buat chores jugak. Basuh kasut sekolah sendiri, bagi makan kucing2, cuci reban kucing, kalau kucing berak merata2 kitorang kena cuci, siram pokok bunga, masak nasi, pasang ubat nyamuk (u know, jenis berlingkar tu, hehe), pasang kelambu sebelum tido, kemas katil, etc..semua kitorang kena buat sendiri sejak darjah satu. Bila dah besar sikit gosok baju pun kena buat sendiri, and tolong sikit2 kat dapur, hehe. Pinggan makan mmg kena cuci sendiri. Pantang kalau kitorang lepas makan letak je dlm sinki utk maid basuh. So kitorang tak dapatlah nak take advantage kat maid, hehe.

    Basically saya hanya rasa kesenangan ada maid ni bila saya ada maid saya sendiri and saya bayar dgn duit sendiri, hehe. And I thank my parents for bringing us up like that sbb i hate seeing kids who treat their “parent”‘s maid sgt teruk like with no respect what so ever. It is just ugly.

    Dah itu je. 😀

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